My mind wanders off and I pretend that I am listening to her. Sometimes I feel that she knows it but continues to bug me. And I let her do it, I don't want to break her heart by telling no to her nonsense. As she continues to talk, my mind constantly fighting, failing to do the trivial task of looking at her. Ah, how miserable. I can't even do the staring properly. I go into the self-criticism mode again. I tell myself not to do that. But I am too late already. A discussion of criticism has begun.
I excuse myself and go to the washroom if unknowingly there were teardrops from my eyes smudging the perfectly lined kohl. My eyes are wet but hasn't spoiled the kohl. I retouch it and dab foundation to get the lost color back and put on the lipstick.
I look better, but I know these cosmetics can't bring the color back but, at least, they try to unlike people. As I walk out and enter onto my workplace, people compliment and say how lucky I am to have great skin and glow. How do I tell them you glow only when your mind is at peace and except mine every one of yours is although you are not as fair complexioned as me. But you guys are luckier. There is a void formed, I remember suddenly, I am yet to call my mother, she could make me feel better. I call her up and talk to her, she helped but she couldn't do much. Hours here seem like days. I really need a break.
Just when I start pitying myself I have crazy thoughts, for the first time I ponder over the past, my achievements, the beautiful memories, I smile. Wow, keep it up, this is the first time in days this curve has formed I tell myself.
This is story is a part of a series. Watch out this space for more.
Starting it with the Blogchatter prompt
Labels: #blogchatter, #life, #story, #UBC, #women